Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What TRUE friends are-

I have never really had a true friend in my life, and when I say true friend I mean a friend that you can trust with anything you tell them, A friend that you can talk and laugh and cry in front of, And a friend that is worried about how your doing and how things are going in your life, or woundering whats new.. and texts you till 1 in the morning about the most silliest to the most serious things in life, Or one that is ALWAYS there for you NO MATTER what.
I also I have never thought I would gain a friend like that... at least have the chance to get to know a person like that... for a few months.
I have had close friends... but not close friends... if that makes any sense! I had a really close friend in 4th and 5th grade where we did everything together. We played everyday.. we wanted to be the same thing "when we grew up" we were like sisters. Well at the end of my 5th grade year I found out that I was changing schools.. I was devastated.. I knew I would lose her. And there was NO WAY I would EVER fit-in in this new school... just NO WAY. I was very upset at my parents for even thinking about doing this...I wanted to be like everyone else and have the new cool lockers and the cool new 7 different classes a day thing! I was so excited for that... and then I get the news I would be going to a new school... Let alone a Private School (EW..) is what I thought.
I couldn't change my parents minds... I was going to a Private School that was how it would be. So after that summer after my 5th grade year... I never saw "my BEST friend" Again. I HATED the Private school at first... I HATED the uniforms.. I HATED the teachers.. and most of all I HATED not seeing "my BEST friend" not knowing how she was, not knowing how her new "cool" school was. It was SO HARD.
After 2 weeks of going to the "new school" I started liking it. I became friends with a girl I HATED, and she HATED me! loved the school for 2 years after and then HATED my last year again. I would have to say the last year was defiantly worse then my first year going there.
When the 3 years were up and it was time to move on to Spanish Fork Jr high.. For my 9th grade year, So another transition... I was scared to dealth... "what would ppl think of me?" " would my BEST friend even want anything to do with me?" "would anyone like me?" and the last question that kept running through my mind the most... was "Will I fit-in?" And my answer was "no."
I had about 20 new friends 2 weeks into my 9th grade year.
But I still didn't feel like I fit-in.. They were are "Too cool" for me.. is what I thought... and maybe they were all just "fake." who knew?
My 9th grade year is when I found out it didn't matter what ppl thought about you... it matters what you think about yourself.
This year has been full of up's and down's... and SO MUCH drama, I guess this year more then last year. I still had not found the friend that could mean so much to me... Until 9 months ago.
About 2 weeks ago I lost my BEST FRIEND...the friend that I could tell anything too, The friend that I trusted, the friend that was there for me ANYTIME I needed them, the friend I felt comfortable around, and most of all the friend that knew more then a lot of ppl know about me.
I never took into consideration that all this was true about this friend I lost....Until I lost him. It was probably the hardest week and a half in my life, so far... just knowing that I couldn't go home and text him and tell him what happened that day.. to know I couldn't be silly with him anymore... because he was gone... and thats kinda funny.. to most of you... but going from talking all the time and knowing each other SO WELL.... to.. not knowing each other AT ALL.. is kinda hard.
I never knew a person could mean SO MUCH to me. Its kinda crazy how it all works.
This friend has been there for me throughout some of the hardest times in my life.. and has meant so much to me. He probably doesn't even understand that.. or know that, but its true he has. He has been the purfect friend..and its hard losing that friendship. Very hard. and VERY different.
I am VERY grateful for the chance I got to spend that 9 months being his friend and him being mine. I can't even tell anyone how much he meant to me... and how much he has helped me and been a influential person in my life.
I love all of my friends but when you have a BEST one its hard not to like them a little bit more then your friends.
I wish that things could have kept being awesome and normal.. like it was for that 9 months... I loved every mintue of it. I am just glad I got the chance to know him. Thank You.


Stubbs Clan said...

It will get better. Time

The Starks said...

Friends like this will come and go. I have had many in my lifetime. Some of my bestest friends have been the ones I've dated that I can no longer have a normal relationship with that knew me in and out. I miss them dearly and think about them often. So trust me it doesn't ever change and you will experience and SHOULD experience as many as you can. Because then, you will find your Iron Man.